in the beginning
i wanted to make you smile and laugh
and we asked each other about what we hated and what we liked
and we learnt to shut off the whole world outside of our own.
and i showed you my smile
i really tried.
and i shuffled through the best thoughts in my head
that i hadnt already said
just to see yours again. and again and again.
you saw my good side, all of that time
i opened up. and i cried
and i sighed and i groaned and i lied
and i opened up another one.
and i moaned and i hated everything,
even the things that i told you i liked before.
and i opened up another, and another
then the whole world outside of what i tried
to keep a secret from our small paradise
started seeping through the cracks in the jagged trails
that my tears had made down my cheeks
and into the empty bottles that lay at my side.
and i understand why, oh god i understand why
you left when it got too hard to see me hurting myself
and how stupid i looked. and all the silly things i said
and how serious it was when i whispered “id rather be dead”.
you are not in charge of saving me.
you are not the leaning post for my broken soul,
when its scrambling around looking
for all the little pieces to make it whole again.
im sorry, that this is how you had to see it end.